Proven scientific weight reduction technique - Move the Dial

This didn't seem to work either

It was the morning after the Leinster House dinner, surely a drop of wine and a seafood platter, ok, and a fruit pavlova dessert to be sociable, can’t set me back on the detox diet?

The trick is to weigh yourself first thing in the morning, before you drink any water. So up I got on the digital scales, where every percentage pound counts. It can't be. There must be something wrong with it. Not a single nano pound less. I try getting on slowly, then I try balancing against the doorframe, no change.  WTF?

I left it out in the arctic weather for neighbour, Kerry, my detox buddy to pick it up from my porch. We think that might be the cause of the problem, because she got six different readings, none of which amused her. Deflated doesn’t even nearly describe how we feel. And I wish it did describe one’s waistline.

I shared the disappointment with the sportsman of the house, cc#2, who just scoffed at our angst. 

‘Your body has been holding on to your fat, that's obvious,’ he said, ‘it went into hunger. You have to eat fat now, and it will start burning it up.’

It made absolutely no sense, but that night after college, I had a feast of cheese and crackers.

Two days later, the scales showed a 5lb reduction. So there you go, the scientific way to lose a few pounds, and no running around the block!

As this blog is about landlady life, not a proper health blog the way other people do it, I’m putting in a disclaimer.This works: Starve on three days of juice (must be delivered because you will never buy enough fruit and veg and make it every day). 

Then you will feel faint, lose concentration, look better, so without exercise, personal trainer, boxing partner, treadmill and dumb bells or pulley gadgets you can lose 5lbs in five days.

Keeping them off, well that’s a work in progress. It's a week later, I want to throw the scales in a skip.They seem to be counting upwards again.

I saw an old-fashioned set in a hardware store. Supporting my local business and in the interest of further scientific research I bought them and felt sure this was all we needed. A needle that pointed to the correct weight at last.

I took it out of the box, carefully calibrated the needle, gingerly stepped on and discovered they’re only in kilos! Back to the shop tomorrow, and we better get the right answer soon.

Amid all this effort, Daft.ie lodger no 4 (I think) has moved in. It looks like the male-rule rules here. They can be exceedingly quiet if you get a good one.  They only want to watch Top Gear and at a push a rugby international, though I’ve recommended the local pub for that, good to mix with the locals. 

So far so good, from Essex ‘e is. Doesn’t boil chickens anyway, so we’re off to a good start, as for a name, Wyndham, will do.