My New Movement *Femin(ine)ism* Is Miley just too Robin Thicke?

Once upon a time, there was a tiger

My yummy mummy neighbours are back from the south west Hamptons, aka Glandore and Ballybunion, they are tanned and rested as they say in OK! It’s time for our annual glass of wine in someone’s garden; I’ve the quietest garden, allegedly, no under-tens. Kerry arrives with a bottle, a dip and nachos, sorted, except it defeats our sworn diet campaign, the one that always ‘starts tomorrow’. She’s sporting a whole new eye look from a trip to the make-up counter in House of Fraser and for the next half hour we debate the merit of Bobbi Brown concealer v corrector, or do you wear both with dusting powder on top? I rush to find my Bobbi 3-tier box of tricks, all past their sell buy date of at least five years and discover there was definitely a Celtic tiger, I have palettes of lip gloss, night and day shimmer palettes, bronzer, blushers, oils, serums and brushes for everything, never used.

Neighbour Ciara arrives as I’m about to demonstrate a new discovery, purchased recently at the RDS horse show; having found my student membership of the library gives me access for the whole week. What a bargain. Well, it’s only a bargain if you don’t buy anything in the big sale tent, where I and literary friend, Mariella, were accosted by a norn-iron female (that's Northern Ireland to the uninitiated) and had no choice but to stop and pay attention. And so it was that Mariella had the natural eye lift and I followed suit. The norn iron lady dabbed a crystalline compôte beneath the eye, fanned it and told us to wait a few minutes, it was like super glue on your finger tips, that tightening feeling. But the effect was shrinking skin beneath the eyes, bags and lines were gone, gone, gone. We snapped one up each.

Talk of make-up so rarely happens in this 4X male household that I had to share that Eyesential news, and it’s only available by post from norn-iron. 

Though the cost centres have no qualms about experiments in the looks department, back in their pre-teens it was gel, or gunk, hair was the all-important statement, still is, they get their hair cut, high-lighted, styled more than I do. Then one of them sneakily got a tattoo and pretended it was a wash off kind. I’d say he was less impressed when my erudite friend told him the latin spelling was wrong. He’s the same one who told me recently he was going to Dundrum for half an hour,* for what?* I asked, *sunbed* I heard as the front door closed. Yes, in this weather, he blames his anti-social work hours. I still find it hard to believe.

Cost centre #2 asked me recently how much does it cost to get my eyebrows dyed, I told him I did it myself, as it’s about thirty euro. Next time I was dying them I offered to try it on him. Startling difference, as he’s very blonde, we didn’t think anyone would notice, but sunbed brother hasn’t stopped slagging him since. They use moisturiser, body lotion and keep their nails trim. I don’t know if that’s personal grooming or just because I buy stuff they can use. Hydrated skin is important whether you’re a man or woman, clean, trim nails too, especially toes, the amount of yellow, crusty toenails out sailing this summer, yikes guys!. 

So, no sooner had we put away the make-up and tabled the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, wondering should we be in discussion with all our Muslim neighbours in the cul-de-sac, when brand new Gentleman Lodger No. 2 arrives. We offer him a glass of wine, Kerry tells him I’m a writer and I’ve a blog, I’m giving her the eye, the lodgers aren’t supposed to know about it! He tells me his daughter has a blog that makes £1,000 a month in advertising. Hang on a minute!!

G.L.#2 is working in Dublin and flies home to his wife every weekend, she has her business and friends back in the UK, he juggles home and work. Neighbour Ciara lives here while her husband works in Sydney, she juggles study, children and living apart. That all brings me to something I’ve been thinking about a lot, for many years in fact. What *feminism* has done for today’s woman and man, girl and boy. The movement that campaigned for equality, rights, dignity, respect, that gave us so much, is biting us back. There is no such thing as *having it all*. Career, marriage, babies, beautiful home, holidays, adoring husband/wife (fun would be good), actually, there probably is such a thing, it's  .0001 per cent. 

What has brought this to a head for me is the twitterfeed of Miley Cyrus at the Video Music Awards two nights ago. Billy Ray Cyrus wasn’t short of money, could have educated his daughter well, but she was a child star who has been brought up in the limelight, making millions of dollars so it’s not money that has her gyrating simulated sex scenes for a few bob with a teddy bear dance troupe. Her performance wasn’t the raunchy one I expect she planned, it was cringing, nothing short of craven need for attention, with the blessing of the producers and we can assume her parents. And why did an older man like Robin Thicke go along with it?? 

My generation had Madonna in the ‘eighties and nineties. She made brilliant, original dance music and breakthrough videos, always ahead of the curve. Her look has culminated in hooker chic, pudic gestures, simulated sex for a teen audience, so, she's made that routine, like, so over. Britney and Charlotte tried it and saw sense, Lindsay hasn't come out the other end yet. Before there's a slew of copy-cat twerky tweenies in nude spandex bikinis, somebody please take Miley away and show her how to be a philanthropist or something useful, before she burns out. Message to Miley: You are a powerful young woman, use it wisely, you've had more online hits than the children in Syria, you've had your moment, spend it well.