When X is not a Kiss

Suicide Blonde

On Monday I joined the paid employment people on the Luas into town.  Cheered on by the fact I’d got free parking and my return fare was 3.70. So far, so budget. The tram glides through the backlands, the more fascinating underbelly of Victorian Dublin, built the year of the Offences Against the Person Act of 1861, a British law under which Ireland still operates.

For a change, I immersed myself in the world of digital wizardry and got some savvy ideas from Helen Shaw at Athena Media. There are so many free and clever things you can do with Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and now that I’ve discovered Tumblr, Dublinlandlady will be on the move with dynamic content – that’s the idea anyway.

So, I missed the morning presentation by psychiatrists at the Seanad, a woman in the public gallery told me Dr Tony McCarthy, resident psychiatrist at Holles Street, made her cry. I remember attending him once for an hour after losing my twins, it cost 180 euro, I decided I couldn’t afford to be depressed. In fact, it took so long to get an appointment with him that by then I had started my masters in UCD architecture school and I was so consumed by the amount of study ahead, I didn’t have time to be depressed.

Anyway, the Health Committee hearings are all about that, depression and suicidal ideation in pregnancy rather than after pregnancy. And that, I can assure you, is very depressing to listen to over and over, cogent arguments by experts and extremely held ideological views by well funded lobbyists.

I felt nobody in the room really understand the human side of the story, yes the doctors might be familiar with patients in tragic circumstances, but it is quite another thing to go to a strange hospital in another country grieving the loss of a wanted baby.

A woman sitting beside me in the gallery asked if I was a journalist, as I was making notes on my ipad. 'No', I said, 'I took the D v Ireland case.'

'Oh, wasn’t she very brave, I read all about her.'

'No, I mean, I am D,' I said.

We both laughed, she nearly fell off her chair and nudged the women beside her, Nora Owen and Gemma Hussey - the early sisterhood, I suppose. From that moment I felt fine, protected. They took me for coffee and I got to see the famous Dáil bar. Not a bad place to work, Leinster House, very plush and lovely ceilings.

I wonder if X, at 34, is married with other children and how she remembers an experience that is relentlessly exercising the individuals in this chamber, the people on the street, the media, the clergy and the members of this House. I wonder if we heard from her would it clarify the question at the centre of the debate, that termination is not a 'treatment' for suicide. I’d like to know how she thinks the legislation should be framed for victims of rape and incest, as serious crimes that would surely provide a compelling case to give that woman a choice.

Wherever you are X, I hope you are bearing up.